Don Jorleone (archilochus) wrote in princeton08,
Don Jorleone
archilochus
princeton08

Weekly News In Brief

J-Rod Excommunicates Little Cousin For Recommending Jurrasic 5


Jordan Rodriguez, 17, didn't call his 10-year-old cousin Steven back after he purchased the band's newest CD, Power in Numbers.  "Steven is a good kid, but he needs to develop a taste in music," said Rodriguez, who hasn't returned any of the three messages Steven has left on his cell phone in the past week.  "Maybe next time, Steven will think twice before over-hyping this kind of hip-hop shit."  As an additional punishment, Rodriguez signed Steven up for an annual subscription to Rolling Stone magazine.


Philosophical Breakthrough Foiled By Putrid-Smelling Lipstick


Philip Moss, Austin Oliver, and Jordan Rodriguez were on the verge of a forming a major new philosophical theodicy when they realized they had nothing to write it on.  "We were looking around for pencil and paper," Moss remembers, "when all of a sudden J-Rod shouted, 'I've found something!'" "Jordan thought we could write the proof on the inside window of Philip's Oldsmobile," Austin stated later, "but the moment he opened the tube of lipstick, this disgusting berry odor filled the cabin.  I thought I was going to vommit.  By the time we had aired out the car, we forgot what the fuck we were talking about."


Local Youth Always Looks Like A Douchebag in Photos


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